Get Comfy, Respectfully


Being an online dating junkie is interesting, to say the least. Alright, maybe junkie is a harsh way to put it. It’s my primary way of dating since men just don’t seem to approach me these days. Or the men that do approach me are twice my age or approaching me with mediocrity.

I remember this one fella I met fondly, and by fondly I really mean that I shake my head every time I think about our encounter. It all began in the normal fashion, he sent me a message and I replied. We sent a couple messages back and forth and then I felt comfortable enough to send him my number. There was texting for a couple days until finally, we spoke on the phone. A cute little country boy with a twang that made me giggle. Avid about nature and just being a good person. The overall conversation caught up in his need to impress and just be cool. More like act cool and make me roll my eyes, but I digress.

Then it takes the proverbial turn southwards. Country boy is indeed white, and I am mixed. He knows this already because he’s seen pictures and I’ve talked about my heritage a smidge with him.

“Ya know I think all people deserve to be treated fairly, I mean I have a black friend.”

Oh for the love of- why the hell does that matter?! I know you’re telling me I should cut the guy a break, that can’t be too bad. Yeah, except it didn’t end there.

“Yeah I have this black guy I work with, we have gotten really close. He calls me his white n**** and I call him my n****.”

Full mother effing, got danged stop! That is it! You stop your behind right there! Son of a bent over back hair! You have got to be kidding me.

Here, ladies and gentlemen, you will find exhibit A as to why I no longer gave this…guy any more of my time.

Here you can see that he was not cozy enough with me to relax and stop trying to impress me. You can also see where he got way too cozy in the thought that he could just say that to me.

Eminem doesn’t even say that word. He would never fix his mouth to try and say it, I hope.

Eminem totes the line of, I am comfortable and cozy enough with black people but I’m not so cozy to where I issue disrespect to their history. My stepfather is the same way. A white man who grew up with black best friends. He’s listened to rap since he was a kid, and has been in almost every black environment imaginable. He’s married to a black woman, with a mixed child and another on the way. He would never fix his mouth to say the N-word. Because there is a basic respect there.

So I’m not saying you can’t get cozy with black folks, please do! That’s how you defeat hate, that’s how you spread education. That’s what we need in this world. Yet at the same time, don’t get too cozy. Give respect where respect is due. Get cozy with them not because of the color of their skin, but because of their personality and culture. Don’t get comfy just so you can say you have a black friend. That crap is wack.

Get comfy friends, but put a little respect with that comfy.


4 thoughts on “Get Comfy, Respectfully

  1. Hi, do you mind if I ask if you’re from the American south? I can’t really place it, but something about your writing makes me think of the south.


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